Just Another Shirt

Hm... perhaps that's what I should do with this blog, go from fetish content to t-shirts...

Nah, just kidding. I'll still post some kinky stuff when I get a chance.

Anyway since my last post, TiedFeetGuy pointed out that somebody had beaten me to the idea of making a t-shirt with a harness design on it:

I can't deny that the other design is better (and quite a bit more realistic). If you're curious, you can buy it here for $39.

In retaliation, I went back to the drawing board and thought about t-shirts I'd consider buying. Now, two things to note: Firstly, I'm very fond of the emo style (if it wasn't obvious by my hair and fondness for black skinny jeans). Secondly, I'm aware that there are alternatives to this t-shirt but I wanted to design it anyway just because.

Now this is a t-shirt I'm very proud of. It looks reasonably realistic (more so than the harness) but if I'm honest, I'd rather just buy a tie and t-shirt. It's probably cheaper too.

Harnesses And Optimism

Wow, I'm almost posting at a regular rate again, how delightful! Again, don't get used to it.

So... since last time, I've somewhat developed an interest in harnesses. If I'm honest, I don't really see their purpose although a lot of kinky clothes seem rather pointless in my opinion. Despite this, after seeing a few harnesses on some cute guys (thanks TiedFeetGuy!), I've decided that they look good.

Unfortunately, they're quite expensive. I couldn't find decent one that cost less than £30 / $45. So... I've come up with this alternative!

Okay, this is mostly a joke but it is about half of the price of an actual harness. I'm tempted to get it, especially to see how metallic the "metallic silver" actually is. Although... I'm probably not going to get it because I really need to save my money and keep for things like, err, food for example.


On an unrelated note, I've recently started feeling quite a bit better about everything. I think the support I've gotten from my old school-friends and friends I've met online has really helped so thanks guys, seriously, I appreciate it.

I've also been recommended a fabulous show called "Beautiful People" from 2008. It's about a young camp gay guy growing up in 90s Britain.

I think the show has given me a bit of optimism. Although things with my mum aren't great right now and although she's not making much progress, I do believe that she will. It may take months or years but I believe she will learn about homosexuality and hopefully accept me one day.

Thank God for gay porn! (how I came to realise I was a homosexual)

And also, hooray for oxymoronic blog post titles! Now I feel like I should explain.

This is not about something new that is happening in my not currently fabulous life but rather, this is something that I was thinking about rather recently because I saw a quote from a possibly mad Pastor Mark Driscoll:

First, masturbation can be a form of homosexuality because it is a sexual act that does not involve a woman. If a man were to masturbate while engaged in other forms of sexual intimacy with his wife then he would not be doing so in a homosexual way. However, any man who does so without his wife in the room is bordering on homosexuality activity, particularly if he's watching himself in a mirror and being turned on by his own male body.

Now, I'm not going to go into the many problems I have with this. But that first bit "masturbation can be a form of homosexuality" got me thinking about how I realised I was gay and the fact of the matter is that I know I'm gay... because of gay porn. Some of my life story coming up...


You see, I was never attracted to girls and I think we both know why. This didn't bother me but when I got to about 16 and going through puberty, I was wondering why I wasn't attracted to girls. All the other boys around me were talking about how they wanted to go out on dates with the hot girls or which celebrities were the fittest. Some of my friends even asked me who was my ideal woman (I lied and said Uma Thurman if you're curious) but I knew that I wasn't attracted to any of them. Something was clearly wrong...

Also because I was 16 and definitely maturing in a number of ways, I felt like I should definitely have masturbated by this point. There was a period where I spent hours playing with my cock every night to masturbate but I just couldn't get it up. I started to consider that maybe I had something physically wrong with me. Then I recalled that I was capable of having wet dreams so that definitely wasn't the case.

I thought I'd do what every teenage boy should do and watch porn. After 3 of the most boring porn videos I've ever seen, I didn't get aroused once. Then suddenly... I had a revelation. It all made since in an instant... I was asexual. In my head, that was the only explanation. I went back to school thinking this and being okay with it. Then I got really annoyed when I started getting hard in lessons! If I was asexual, what was arousing me?!

I got back home and came up with a third theory: I was doing it wrong.

So, I did the incredibly nerdy thing, went online and looked for tutorials. Now, I'm not going to tell how many techniques I tried but believe me... I tried a lot. Most times, I got hard watching videos of guys jerking off and following along in real time. I knew that I was making progress! Unfortunately, I still wasn't able to actually cum but being able to control when I got hard was a big step up for me.

I still knew that I missing something though... so I decided to look at other videos of guys jerking off on sites like Xtube. Now, to find these videos, I had to say that I was interested in Men. No big deal, I was just looking for a method of jerking off that worked for me. Although... I did see a lot of thumbnails of gay porn. Out of curiosity, I decided to have a look at the most viewed videos on Xtube and well, this video caught my eye:

  

That video was incredible and it was finally something I could masturbate to! I checked out the other videos on this guy's channel and found them really hot too. After watching quite a few other videos of gay porn, I laid back on my bed fantasising about how I could be in a video like that and jerking off and after an hour of concentration, I came on my 17th birthday.

Once I got over how incredible it felt... I slowly realised that I was gay. My initial reaction was depression because, let's face it, the world isn't 100% happy with homosexuality just yet, is it? After a few days though, I was okay with it. I just knew that I had to be straight in public, at least until I was ready for my friends and family to know.

A while later, I felt a bit guilty about watching all this porn and felt like I had to bring something back to the community especially since there seemed to be so little good fetish porn out there featuring guys! The problem is that I was afraid that my friends would find out about my rather strange interests so I hid my face in my earlier videos and only showed my feet.

Soon though, I gained confidence in what I was doing and I think you can work out the rest.


...That post was longer than I thought it would be. I honestly didn't think I'd write an almost 700 word essay but I suppose it's easy to write about what you know. Anyway, there is no moral of the story. I suppose that it does confirm that masturbation is a form of self-discovery that should be encouraged although I don't think I need to tell that to most of you. Honestly though, this is just something I was thinking about and wanted to have in written form.

I guess I hope you found it insightful and if you feel inspired to leave a comment or ask any questions, go ahead.

"Playing With Pies" Outtake

Just a short video this time, sorry. It would have been longer but my face got a little bit too clean and well, I'm still trying to remain anonymous here. Enjoy!

By the way, remember I don't have many videos to upload, so don't get used to this.

Getting Better

Before everything else I've apparently confused a few of you with t-shirt:

If it wasn't obvious enough from the hints I provided (which apparently it wasn't for most of you), here is that same t-shirt but blurred a bit:

Anyway... it turns out that my sickness is tonsillitis! Good news is, it's clearing up but I whilst it's not gone, I'm still unnecessarily tired and unable to eat much. Over the last few days, I have been surviving on ramen, soup and smoothies which means I don't have much energy.


In other news... since my last "On Coming Out" post (which was about a month ago). My mum got worse, she went from being a bit upset to being really angry with me. She went on a very long rant about everything wrong with me which I won't go into.

Now though, we're exchanging e-mails... [Interruption] Hmm, well, we're exchanging e-mails and she appears to be getting a bit better but I still think she needs a bit of time.

That interruption... apparently my personal tutor spoke to another lecturer because he came to my accommodation and we spoke. His son was gay and so he could relate to my mum. Because of the talk, I have some optimism again that things will indeed get better, even though a lot of my family is homophobic. I also feel a bit lonely, partially for some human contact but also for a boyfriend. Hopefully I'll have both of those things soon.


After leaving this post for a little while to reflect, I'm starting to wonder if I should visit her. There are a lot of reasons not to do this concerning my studies and emotional state but perhaps if I actually spoke with her in person, I might be able to feel better about the whole matter. I need to weigh this up. Comments are appreciated but this is a personal matter so please don't be too rude.

Shirts and Sickness

Okay, let's try using this blog as a diary again... Just to warn you, the following 3 paragraphs are a bit disgusting and have details about me the fact that I feel ill.

First of all, I am sick, Yes. This automatically means I hate things slightly more than I normally would. It's some combination of runny nose, sore throat, headaches, stomach aches, etc. but as long as I have warm fruit drinks and Nurofen next to me, I don't mind so much.

Unfortunately, it has meant that I've been unable to do a few academic things out of fear of going to a 2-hour lecture and coughing up last night's dinner. I haven't actually thrown up yet but I am very fearful to eat too much... just in case.

On the plus side though, with my mind numbed on ibuprofen, I can do most of my computer work if I'm not too tired to work.

If you don't see it, you might have to stand back and squint.

Something else I've been doing on the computer in this state is designing more stuff. Recently, I've become a fan of t-shirt design after a friends "commissioned" me to work for them. I've also become a fan of rainbows, not particularly sure why but it doesn't really matter...

Anyway, I was wondering if any of you guys wanted t-shirts. NOT "restwalker" T-SHIRTS, I'm not that much of a douchebag, nor am I a famous rock band. I'm wondering if there is a demand for any custom t-shirts in general. I can't guarantee that I'll be able to do anything but if you have any ideas for designs, let me know in the comments.

Having said that, I'm gonna lie down again... like the sick puppy I am.

I'm not going to be posting much.

The title should be pretty self-explanatory.

Don't get me wrong, I want to post. It's just that I should probably be focusing more on my studies right now. Also, I really don't have much content to post right now.

I suppose I still have a few more outtakes to post so look out for those. Also, I have to post the video of my gunging at some point so look out for that too.

Whilst I'm not posting much, you can check out the blogs I'm subscribed to on my profile, perhaps you'll find some stuff that you like. I'm subscribed to some non-fetish blogs too which I just like to read and I'm subscribed to some things just for inspiration so don't be surprised if some of them don't appeal to you at all.

I considered that I could use the blog to post pictures / videos from other people but I'm sure you can look for that sort of stuff yourself, can't you? Sorry, it's just not my style to do that.

The other alternative was that I just used the blog to utterly rant about sexuality and homophobia and why my life sucks, etc. but I really don't think you want to read that sort of thing on a regular basis... let's face it, this is a fetish blog, it's meant to arouse you.

Having said that, I do like ranting a bit and I'm also a graphic design enthusiast so here's a little goodbye present which fairly accurately sums up how I'm feeling right now. Feel free to print it out and take it to your local gay rights march!

And actually "goodbye" is the wrong word. I'm not leaving, remember... I'm just not posting to it as often as I used to. So keep checking the blog about once a month, maybe. Thanks guys!