13 October 2011

On Coming Out - Part 5

Since my last coming out post, I have come out to a few friends who all accepted it in different ways. They were all supportive though

I also recently came out to my mother... The good news is that she still loves me.

The bad news is that she's a bit disappointed with the fact that I am gay.

Furthermore, she doesn't fully appreciate that I was born like this so she thinks that I chose to be like this, that I chose to have all the problems associated with homosexuality.

All she seems to know about homosexuality are the stereotypes; mostly the negative ones... I tried to educate her over the phone but she wouldn't listen to it.

After that I was feeling very depressed but after speaking to my friends, I felt a bit better. Right now, I do feel a bit down but I'm not going to do anything regrettable.

The blog shouldn't be affected and if I have to stop posting for a while, I will give you guys notice.


  1. I know you don't really know me, but when I came out to my mom, I got the same kind of response. She was ok with it but not really happy about it, and she told me you made this decision for yourself.
    I also tried to explain to her that this had nothing to do with me or any decision that I made..it is who I am, and you will have to take it or leave it.
    I am not sure if you have PFLAG (Parents for Lesbian and Gays)in your area or town but this is an organization that I got her involved in and really helped her to understand what I was going through. It is a group of parents were they can come together and communicate with other parents that are going through the same situation and problems to understand the hidden life style of their children. Gives them someone to ask the questions that is on their mind and get helpful intelligent response from other adults that have gay children and what they have done to learn to understand their children and a lifestyle they are not comfortable with.
    I hope this helps in some way and if you have any questions, you know my email address and I would love to talk with you if you are in need of ANYTHING!!
    Please don't let this get you down. She really loves you but it might take a little time for her to come to grips with the change, but eventually she will and it will be like nothing ever happened.
    Wait till you bring your boyfriend home for the first visit...I got drunk that day..:)
    You know we all love you and would do anything for you...take care and don't let this change your life or the way you feel about yourself in any way. You are a beautiful person and deserve all the love that is coming your way.
    Take care

  2. Try again in person, eye contact is always best.

  3. Don't worry about your mom, that's a pretty normal reaction! There's lots of leaflets from FFLAG etc that help parents understand their emotions. The thing I always remember is that it took us quite a while to work out our own sexuality and likewise it won't happen overnight when you tell a parent like that. Disappointment that their son is on a hard route is pretty natural. The choosing thing is just a lack of education on the issues - the above organization and others helps with all of that. I have seen some great 'coming out' letters on line where people actually tell their parents what to expect with emotions and to try and reassure them about worries. Good Luck - I didn't come out until 30 so you're way ahead!

  4. Hey Dylann!

    I'd echo what the others have said but also add a big well done and congratulations! By coming out to your Mum you have successfully achieved one of the most difficult things you will ever have to do in your life! You have done the hard part and it gets easier from here :)

    Your Mum's disappointment is more proof that she loves you. She's just worried that you may not be able to achieve as much happiness as a straight person because she doesn't know any better. As soon as she sees you having fun, enjoying yourself and being comfortable with who you are, she'll start to be pleased for you.

    Re-read the end of Sam's post again. It's true. We all care about you and wish you well. You have my email too. Contact me anytime & I'll get straight back to you.