If it wasn't obvious enough from the hints I provided (which apparently it wasn't for most of you), here is that same t-shirt but blurred a bit:
Anyway... it turns out that my sickness is tonsillitis! Good news is, it's clearing up but I whilst it's not gone, I'm still unnecessarily tired and unable to eat much. Over the last few days, I have been surviving on ramen, soup and smoothies which means I don't have much energy.
In other news... since my last "On Coming Out" post (which was about a month ago). My mum got worse, she went from being a bit upset to being really angry with me. She went on a very long rant about everything wrong with me which I won't go into.
Now though, we're exchanging e-mails... [Interruption] Hmm, well, we're exchanging e-mails and she appears to be getting a bit better but I still think she needs a bit of time.
That interruption... apparently my personal tutor spoke to another lecturer because he came to my accommodation and we spoke. His son was gay and so he could relate to my mum. Because of the talk, I have some optimism again that things will indeed get better, even though a lot of my family is homophobic. I also feel a bit lonely, partially for some human contact but also for a boyfriend. Hopefully I'll have both of those things soon.
After leaving this post for a little while to reflect, I'm starting to wonder if I should visit her. There are a lot of reasons not to do this concerning my studies and emotional state but perhaps if I actually spoke with her in person, I might be able to feel better about the whole matter. I need to weigh this up. Comments are appreciated but this is a personal matter so please don't be too rude.
I am sort of in the same scenerio. My mom was very opposed to be being gay. so much that she would read my text messages if i left my phone laying somewhere and even read a journal i had been keeping at one time. Needless to say it was not a good time. Things are gettting better though. but i do understand about feeling alone. Hopefully everything gets better for you too!
ReplyDeleteIt was brave of you to come out to your Mum. I wish I'd been as open when I was at university. Well done on making that step. I think that the hardest part is over for you, and you can now focus on enjoying uni ... and meeting the right guy.
ReplyDeleteSorry about misunderstanding your shirt..I was trying to make letters out of each block...not a bad idea though..
ReplyDeleteAnyway, as far as your mom goes, my advice would be to NOT go to face her yet..give her space and time to process things. She is going through different levels of emotions now but she will come to the conclusion that you are her son and she loves you no matter what. She will try to change your mind and try to say that it is a choice that you are making and not who you are but in the end given enough time on your part she will except you for who you really are. Stay in contact with her and keep trying to educate and work to answer any questions that she might have. Just be patient with her and don't take her emotional out burst to heart. She is trying to process something that you have had years to come to understand in only a few weeks. You had to time to understand it so give her time.
I think you have mentioned before that you had brothers or sisters (I am not sure),maybe you can get them to help you work on your mom and then communicate with them on a good time for a face to face with her. How is everyone else in your family dealing with the news...you have only mentioned your mom?
Anyway that is my two cents...I hope you feel better soon and remember to always stay positive in your thinking every day...positive thinking will bring all things that you need and want into your life. Love yourself for who you are and don't let anyone ever change how you feel about yourself.
Your mother will always be your mother just like you will always be her son, but if she can't except who you really are, then you will have to be strong enough to except that. There is so much love out there waiting for you. You are a beautiful young man and you will find what your heart seeks when your least expect it and not looking for it.
Good luck with everything in your life and remember it will always get better, you have already taken the hardest step. Stay strong and believe in yourself and know we all love you very much...
I'm gathering the opinion of a lot of people and I think I'm starting to lean one way...
ReplyDeleteSam, I don't have any siblings and nobody else in the family knows because they're quite homophobic.
Ok, sorry to hear that about your family. No matter what you decide we will all be behind you, and support you any way we can..good luck
ReplyDeleteSounds like glandular fever with all that tiredness. The bottom line is that your family need to accept how you are (eventually) or they will lose their relationship with you. It has been a shock for your mom but ultimately that is because she is worried about your future. Living your life openly and happily is what any parent can want for their child.
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